Vessel & Altar

"All of these I have observed. What do I still lack?" - Matthew 19:20

The young man's question is the question of someone genuinely reaching. He has not been careless. He has observed the commandments. And he knows it is not enough - not because he has failed, but because there is more, and he can sense the more without being able to name it. What do I still lack?

Ezekiel was told his wife was going to die and that he must not mourn her in the public way. He must carry the loss differently, as a sign. The delight of your eyes, God says - the desire of your soul. When what you most love is taken or asked to be surrendered, the grief is real. Ezekiel did not deny it. He carried it inwardly while his outward faithfulness continued.

Many women know the grief that has to be carried that way - the loss too large or too private for the available form of mourning, the ache that persists under the ordinary surface of the day. Ezekiel's sign-action says: God sees this. The groaning one to another, even when the customary mourning cannot be performed, reaches him.

Jesus looked at the young man and loved him. He looked at Ezekiel bearing his silent grief and gave him a word to carry. He is looking at the specific, private grief you are carrying today.

What do you still lack - not morally but in the deeper sense the young man meant? And what is the delight of your eyes that God is asking you to hold more loosely? You don't have to have released it. Name it honestly. Bring both to the prayer today: the lack and the holding.

Lord, what do I still lack? I am bringing you the question honestly. And I am bringing you the delight of my eyes, the thing I carry quietly, the grief that doesn't fit the available form. You see it. Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us. Amen.